Colour my life with the chaos of trouble

Actually I just want to spend the rest of my 2010 by myself doing homework.

Really, I don’t have enough time already.

I really don’t know what the heck i’m doing now.

I have bad temper nowadays, just now during cricket i just wanted to flare up and walk off. Not cool. But i mean the basic respect you should give to a sport is to give it your best shot right. Whats the point in playing if half the people are just nuaing there, waiting for things to happen.

I just did something not too nice a few days ago, not like i make it a very big point in my life to be a nice person to others. It was necessary, but i’m regretting it (like mad) now. But anyway the intentions were good, that i’m sure of but normally i would have kept it to myself. I don’t know what saying everything out entails.

Anyway i submitted a v ugly photo to SMU for my matriculation, totally not in the mood to take photos that day, so i guess its something i’ll regret also.

I really just want to be alone.

CRICKET CAMP :DDDD

Gonna whack ‘em all for the next two days man!

But you won’t do the same.

First time hearing BM’s grenade. Okay, i found a song for the feeling I’ve been feeling recently. Not such strong words though, but when i’m trying hard for everything, I cant help but to wonder who will do the same things for me. 

I guess the answer’s no one. Which I’ve probably accepted since long time ago, eventually theres no one who will help yourself but yourself. Its hard for me to rely on anyone because people will disappoint and no one really understands, they can only try.

The soulmate i wished for upon the shooting star i saw on Jacob Ballas at the start of 2010 didn’t materialize, but i’ll still search in 2011. Someone who understands, someone with real passion in the things he/she does, someone with common interest, someone who thinks on the same level, someone who will share his/her unique perception about things challenge my assumptions and work hard together with me. Like how Rachel Berry met her Jesse St James, someone who challenges her, with the same or better ability. It doesn’t have to be a guy, i’m not looking for love yeah.

Someone once told me that if she were a guy, she wouldn’t like me because i’m too scarily independent. I wonder if that applies to friendship as well.

But yeah, it has been a good year, made a lot of new friends, met a lot of new people. I’m thankful for the friends i have now, but i still cant help but to feel that theres just someone else y know. There is a lot of potential and possibilities in the outside world.

I still must say that the people who impressed me the most this year is some of my OCIP teammates. Because when we work hard, we really give our all, most (if not all) of us had passion for what we did, i really appreciated their sharing during debriefs, some of them really put a lot of heart and thought into the work we do. What surprised me more was that a few of them are actually -.- like v rich, but they are not arrogant at all, and yet are the ones who will step up and want to make a difference in other peoples lives. Had to miss today’s trip dinner because of CNY proposal discussion, awww man!

I can’t help but to still compare certain groups of people with others. Selfish? Not willing to compromise? Insensitive? Is having fun the most important thing? Really?

Comparisons are easily done, when you’ve had the taste of perfection. How do I get better once I’ve had the best? You said there’s tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test.

So the waters I will test.